Saturday, April 30, 2011


"Don't make someone a priority in your life, when you're only an option in theirs."

I was reminded of this quote today. One of the themes that seems to wind itself tightly in this lifestyle is the theme of exclusivity - or lack thereof. It's likely a theme that blends over many types of lifestyles, but it is talked about openly and frequently in this one.

The opinions range, as most opinions do, from "sex is just sex" to "sex is something sacred". The lifestyle does not seem to impact these opinions. Some are simply looking for the physical release. The physical release that is available to them through either the actions associated with dominance or submission...the power play. Some are looking for the emotional release associated with the power play. Most, I believe, are looking for something on the spectrum...somewhat of a hybrid.

The difficult part comes when trying to blend this concept of sexuality and exclusivity into the power play. How does one trust that actions commonly referred to as "abuse" are welcome? How does one trust that actions commonly referred to as "abuse" will stay on the pleasurable side of the spectrum? How does one establish that bond that makes the power play so much fun...when...well...when it's just sex?

On the other hand, how much of an exclusive arrangement is really necessary? Does that really have anything to do with the trust level necessary? Does it matter that the person you're spanking got spanked by someone else 4 hours...or 4 minutes ago? A person that they share an intimate connection with as it even an element

What it comes down to is balance. If one person is allowed to become emotionally involved, including expectations, while the other person holds is an imbalance. It is this imbalance that begins to erode the trust. It is this imbalance that ultimately tips the scale on the power play, preventing it from being fully functional. So, it the concept of exclusivity is really irrelevant as long as both people hold the same concept.

Simple right? Wrong. Most people have a very difficult time admitting what level of exclusivity they really need. Some will find themselves liking the idea of exclusivity until they have it...and then it's not enough. Some will find themselves liking the idea of "open"...and then find that it leaves them wanting. The issue isn't the concept of exclusivity, it is the concept of self awareness.

Thus, the conclusion. If one is not fully aware of what they want, what they need, and what they are capable of acting will be difficult, if not impossible, for any partner to bond with them in a way that makes the power exchange possible. And this, not the concept of monogamy v. open, is the true failing in the relationship.

One cannot make another a priority, when they are simply an option. Being a priority, being an option...both are viable conclusions. Neither is wrong, neither prevents a certain bond. Unless there is a lack of consensus as to which one is being exercised.

The moral of the story? Be clear about whether you want to be an option or a priority. And be equally clear about whether you hold them as an option or a priority. Of all things to negotiate in a relationship...anal/ass to mouth/threesomes/bondage/paddles/denial...of all things...the dynamic is the one thing most often left out.

Monday, April 25, 2011

I Want

I want hands on the back of my head. Fingers twined in my hair. Pulling me, adjusting me, moving me. That look as I raise my eyes to meet yours. That look that tells me to let go, to listen, to respond, to simply be. I want that look.

I want to feel the pressure as you push me down to my knees. As both hands hold my head firmly. The voice that tells me to open my mouth as you guide yourself past my lips.

I want to feel your fingers tighten on the back of my head. Your cock slowly moving past my lips, over my tongue, reaching for the back of my throat. My mouth closed tight around you as a sigh settles in my chest.

I want to feel that momentary panic as you push farther, pull my head closer, arch back and reach to the depths of me. Breath stopped, time stopped, filled by you. Each movement a fight against reflex. Drool, tears, cum intermingled in a moment.

I want to feel you grow harder, larger, longer as you pull me closer for your release. I want to feel the groan start in your toes and work its way up. I want to feel each muscle move under my lips and the anticipation of being filled by you.

I want that look, the pleased and satisfied look. The one that comes from half lowered eyes and is the embodiment of your pleasure.

That is really all I want.